Dead Zombie Goo

 Day 5 Take 2 

September 18, 2022 

I decided to try and make some high protein bread. Not having any of the necessary ingredients I decided to use what I had. 

Having made beautiful things out of quinoa in my past I figured I had this and would use flax and chia seeds to sub the eggs and psyllium husks to bind it all together and fall apart when you’re eating it. 

I cooked up the quiona and put everything into a blender. Then added some water, and more water and more water. 

The thick warm paste of mushed quinoa and seeds filled the blender and still wouldn’t fully mix. So I did what any mad scientist would do in her ktiechen and I threw some yeast into it and mixed it by hand. 

Taking the blob of yeasty quinoa goop out of the blender with the spatula I stirred it with I moved it into the parchment lined loafs pan. I had a good feeling about this bread. After all, my other quinoa breads were quite tasty. I let it sit on the counter for about 45 minutes hoping it would rise. It didn’t. 

So I popped it into the oven and let it bake for over an hour, quinoa tends to be a little on the moist side so I left it in a little longer than I should.The toothpick came out clear so I removed the loaf from the over and plopped it on a cooling rack. 

It spread. Like hot thick goo overflowing the boundaries or a crusty shell it spread right before my eyes. Slowly it started to sink through the rack. Crap I thought, what now? 

I put the crusted gooey blob onto a cookie sheet and popped it back into the oven. Maybe that will dry it out enough to eat. 

HARD NOPE. Maybe I could save it. 

I scooped the contents out of the hardish shell into a bowl and added more water in hopes that I might be able to balance the batter with something that creates horribly dry baking. This would normally be a job for coconut flour but I couldn't find mine. The last time I saw it I think I cursed it and sent it to the basement with the quail food making ingredients. Having deemed it unfit for human consumption because it was far too dry would have made it the perfect candidate. Instead I used dehydrated black bean powder, which can end up dry or moist depending on the recipe. 

The black bean powder had turned the goo a dead gray. The dead gray color you would expect to see of a decomposing zombie. Dead zombie goo I now called it. 

Having properly bloomed the yeast this time I had faith that it would work. 

My faith was once again misplaced but that didn’t mean that it wasn't going to rise in the oven. So I put it back into the oven and left for well over an hour. Nothing could still be goo in an oven for that long? Right? 

Wrong! I pulled the dead zombie goo out of the oven and just like before it was still a hot mess of mush, only this time it was well mixed and looked like death. 

Now these ingredients are expensive and sometimes difficult to get where I live. Wasting them was not an option. I pulled out the dehydrator and spread the dead zombie goo ever so thinly over parchment paper on the racks. 

My dehydrator has been making me crackers from this sort of concoction for years. It was my last hope. I sprinkled each rack with light dusting of sea salt and whispered to my dehydrator “Don’t fail me now” as I plugged it in and left it to run in the sunroom overnight. 

Horse O’clock which had started as a minimum of 1km has now evolved into “lets see what we can do in an hour”. Setting time boundaries with myself is a big part of my balance experiment for this cycle and so far I think they’re working really well. I let go of my tension and then like I had hit a secret button Punkin let go of hers too! There we walked, long and relaxed in an effortless fast gait. 

4.12 kilometers we walked tonight working on releasing tension while moving. Which puts us at 34.6% of the way through our Valkyrie Challenge and only 63.6 more miles of ground work left until our nightly walks will transition into nightly rides. And to think I almost didn’t go because of today’s earlier failure. 

*****

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Misty Morning

 Day 4 Take 2 

September 17 

The morning started out misty with a haze of white fluff covering the tops of the trees. I love it when the world is full of white fluff in the morning. The whiter the fog the more beautiful the day. Or at least that seems to be what I have observed so far. 

We decided to go hunting this morning. I packed a lunch with my chocolate peanut butter apple treat, ice water and fresh sausages while Brent got the gun, knife and ammunition ready and into the vehicle. 

Off we set up into the moutnains in the old farm truck 

The old farm truck hadn’t been driven for a while and made and few funny noises that unnerved me a little. 

We kept climbing up and up into the mountains until finally we were at the spot that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. We stopped to tend to a failing windshield wiper blade when I noticed a funny smell. That horrible smell your brakes make when they're stuck. 

I mentioned the funny smell to Brent and went in search of a puddle to test the brakes for heat. Having found one not too far up the road we got out and gently splashed the wheels of the poor abused old GMC. 

Steam rose from the wheels and the smell continued. The breaks were stuck. 

We turned around and headed back down the mountain before we even got a glimpse of a deer

We made it home without causing a fire and got about our plan B, which for me was to fix the broken gate. 

Tonka had rubbed the old gate so hard for years that it finally disintegrated. It now lay crumpled in a lump of useless wood and wire on the ground. Fixing it meant that I was going to have to disassemble a different gate and use the parts. 

I took the old broken gate off its hinges and replaced it with the only two metal gates I have ever purchased. Both of which I scrimped and saved for years before moving to Haida Gwaii. 

It was Tonka’s turn tonight and I was grateful that the weather was going to cooperate. There was not a cloud in the deep blue sky. I pulled him out of his paddock. He went through the man gate portion of the new gate, and seemed to be just as pleased with it as I was. 

Down the driveway we went, excited to get in our kilometer of Pony Express. The days have been getting shorter but we still got to watch the golden sun sink behind the horizon. I stopped to take a picture of the magnificent scene but Tonka had a better idea and just as I hit the shutter button he flipped up his lip. Little stinker I thought to myself as I laughed out loud. 

*****

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The Nights Are Creeping In

 Day 3 Take 2

September 16, 2022 

I made it to my promised workouts. It was close and I nearly didn’t but Punkin Pie needed her workout too and I couldn't let her down. 

The apple crunched between my teeth, and the juices filled my mouth. The sweet and salty creaminess of the peanut butter mixture blended into the sensation of the perfectly crisp and juicy after workout treat. 

This new concoction had taken my apples and peanut butter to a whole new level of amazing. 

I took the usual two big forkfuls of peanut butter used to dress my snappy apples and added a scoop of chocolate protein powder, the added just enough coconut milk to make it creamy. The snappy apples perfected sliced into 8 wedges act as a spoon to scoop the gooey mess into my face. 

Something was off. I was off. There was some sad news about a favorite acquaintance who wasn’t doing well. This saddened me but there was something else off. 

SLEEP I thought. I have been neglecting sleep. If I want to keep moving forward with my dreams I was going to have to set some tough boundaries with myself. These tough boundaries usually mean that I have to push myself a little harder to focus. Focusing is by far the hardest thing that I do in a day but it can be done with the right amount of routine and pressure. 

Pressure is incredibly necessary. It creates an absolute need to focus. The downside though is it also causes more stress. Having embraced my body's natural energy surges and worked with them to achieve my goals has helped tremendously.  

Unfortunately this means that Horse O’clock happens around 7:30 every night. 

Working the horses in the dark has been a bit of a fun adventure. Tonight was Punkin Pies' turn. It was our first night working in the dark and I have a lot of fine tuning to do as far as setting up the ground as an arena. We alternated lunging nice in and out spirals, with stopping to move around the arena and pick up rocks and filling holes in the hill next to the new riding space. 

She was able to keep the same cadence in her trot in a tiny circle as she did the big circle which I thought was truly impressive. But her attitude stank when it came to moving around and picking up rocks. A whole 1.07 km of moving rocks. What a bore. We are now at 34% complete for our Valkyrie challenge. 

The property is 2.5 acres, with pieces of other people's memories left behind to rot into the forest floor next to sinkholes and lost treasure. It has always been my dream to make trials and obstacles much like the ones in the trail horse competitions. I’m hoping that there will be enough stimulation by changing the routes and learning more than just the trails and the obstacles to keep it interesting for them during the dark months.

Combining all types of arena work, trail work and driving we might just be able to keep everyone fit and entertained while we work outside during the dark half of the year. 

*****

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Tonka Gets Wet

 Day 2 Take 2

September 15, 2022

The weather stayed half decent most of the day and around 3:00 pm I finally made it back outside. This time Brent came with me and we wandered around the property making plans for all the wonderful things making their way into our future. 

Having finally outgrown the tiny arena at the bottom of the driveway it was time to start making the move into the top field. While the final resting place of the arena will be in the far Eastern corner of the property there is way too much work to be done before it reaches that spot. So for now the nice sandy almost flat spot that the horses so kindly over grazed on me this year will be the temporary home of the new and bigger arena. 

This thought not only excites me because I will finally be able to work on gait regulation with Punkin Pie, both on the ground and in the saddle but also because this is the only sandy piece of pasture on the property and the thought of sand colic terrifies me. Having it act as an arena instead of a pasture makes sense right now and I’m grateful for footing I don’t have to truck in. 

Brent and I continued to make our plans. There’s so many wonderful things that are about to happen here if we can manage to stay on track. The first of which involves some clearing of land that will open up new trails for me to ride on during the winter months. Trails that I dream of lighting with stings of soft white and golden Christmas lights. 

The nights have been coming a little earlier everyday and soon Horse O’clock will be 100% in the dark. 

The manure chore and the garden chore go hand in hand. The manure is layered into the garden as it’s cleared of the weeds then left to sit for the winter. Thankfully our wonderful house sitter left the garden in such a beautiful state. As if my fairy godmother had tidied it, breaking down the mental barriers that had made it so difficult for my ADHD brain to cope with. Instead of the garden being a place of guilt and failure, she transformed it into a place of love and beauty. Precious stones and shells were left in perfect places. All the little scraggly sticks and shrubs were removed. The garlic was harvested. It was a beautiful place that was welcoming and wonderful to work in. So that’s what I did.  

Preparing the soil to plant next years garlic I felt the dry sandy loam in my hands. I sifted out the moss and little bits of weeds thinking back to last year. Last year and the year before harvesting the garlic, tears in my eyes with frozen mud covered hands. This year felt like a special treat compared to last. Gardening and manure picking being two of my top shoulder trigger chores. Triggering a shoulder reaction could cause an abrupt and painful end to this cycle before it even gets going. I have come too far to waste any more time being in pain due to poor choices. So I did so sparingly. 

Tonka plodded along beside me. As slow and steady as you can imagine an old man trapped in molasses. I took a deep breath. Breathing in all the smells. There were so many. First there was mostly flowers and ocean with a hint of dirt, then the soft scent of rain. 

We continued to walk at a speed which you would expect Eore to walk to Piglet's birthday party. Nice and slow, nothing to get excited about. There was a reason that Tonka is my rest day pony. I relaxed, and worked at letting that feeling flow all the way to my bones.

The night grew darker as we walked on. The sound of rain on the leaves started to grow louder. I looked ahead at the streetlights in front of us only to see a wall of water headed in our direction. 

“I think it’s time to turn around buddy” I said out loud to Tonka. 

There was no refusal from him. As we turned and started towards home. The rain grew in size and came down harder the more we walked. My little pony who had been so slow only moments before begging to trot home. 

We made it home. Even though I was soaking wet I was happy and had a wonderful time. I turned off the workout on my watch and there was a congratulations message stating that was our longest walk yet. 2.39 soaking wet kilometers towards pur Pony Express challenge. 24.9 miles now achieved for the challenge. 

With the ponies fed I went into my gym, kicked off my soaking wet shoes and enjoyed my hula hoop, just like I promised my back I would.

*****

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Getting Back on The Wagon

 Day 1 Take 2

September 14, 2022 

The lessons I learned from my first cycle of the rest based lifestyle idea taught me a great deal about myself and about a life in balance. Seeing how the quality of time I had for my dreams and my loved ones was affected by the choices I made has been very helpful in learning to make choices that create a balance in my life. 

Time used to feel as though it was dragging me along kicking and screaming. I watched the months and years go by trapped in a never ending cycle of overdoing it and suffering. 

My body has never been quite right. It was almost doable when I was younger but life is becoming increasingly difficult as I get older. If I don’t have just the right balance of the correct kind of fitness, the optimal kind of rest and the appropriate kind of food my body revolts leaving me in pain and fatigue. 

This first round of the rest based lifestyle introduced me to a mindset that encouraged balance. Armed with the knowledge of the previous round I’m ready for my next cycle. 

Take 2 is dedicated to exploring balance.

With a conscious choice to end my last cycle and start a new one, I embrace the lessons I learned. Relax and let the stress go, it only makes me fat and feel like crap, getting in the way of what I really want from my life.

So here we are again having fallen off the wagon and ready to get back on, facing Day 1 again for the second time. 

Do I want to workout? NOPE

Horse O’clock rolled around and the thought of getting to try out the new gear I had purchased at the tack store got my butt off the couch. Full of energy from excitement I went out to play with my ponies. 

I saddled up Punkin and to my delight she didn’t fuss at all with the new cinch. One year and $200 later we finally had a winner.

Today we got 3 more kilometers of ever so important groundwork towards Valkyrie. We are now 32.1 miles into our first 100 mile challenge and 67.9 miles away from starting to include riding into our evening routine.  

9:48 pm I made it into my gym. I put on the hula hoop just like I said I would and had a wonderful time dancing. This dance warm up helped me warm my mind up to the idea that I was going to devote a whole 15 minutes of focus to a workout video. 

Phase 1 workout 1 attempt number 2. This time around I was stronger and needed less rest. My body was much more willing and able to workout even though I had taken 10 day off. 

*****

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In The Face OF Adversity

Day 32

Day 32. I can’t believe it’s day 32. I have actually stuck with a program and routine for 32 days. How exciting. 

In the beginning there were some big changes to my body. Sacrificing sleep to write however I have noticed that those changes have slowed. The sacrifice has been a worthwhile one. I have always dreamt of writing and here I am writing and the reward does not stop there. The wall that stood between my creative flow and the outside world has dissolved leaving a rushing river of confidence to do the things and make the mistakes. 

For 20 years I have been saving and collecting things for the projects. The projects that I will do one day when everything is perfect. There is no perfect time however, the only time we truly have is the time we have right now. The only choice left is what project needs to be done first, and I solved that problem too, by simply removing the other choices. 

I watched the fog roll in off the Masset inlet this morning, wrapping itself around the tops of the trees and caressing the land. It was a beautiful white fog. The kind you know is going to burn off into a beautiful day of autumn sunshine. 

I didn’t see much of the world today. Most of it was spent in my house. 

What I did see however was a wonderful delight. 

I saw birds flying in the bright blue sky. I saw cute puffy clouds rolling past treetops. And I saw Punkin and Tonka learn to groom each other despite their size difference. At first I thought it must be an accident. Then I looked closely and I could see that Punkin had gotten herself into the ditch and Tonka had found a little hill to stand on. 

They seemed quite pleased with themselves and their new arrangement. Fully invested in the mutual grooming that is so important to horses. Tonka was finally able to itch that spot that she couldn't reach and he really enjoyed a little attention from her as well. 

Tonka had been a big part of raising Punkin from a foal. They were once very similar in size and have always been the best of playmates. Then like all children do, she had to go and grow up. Her attitude become far too serious for a little pony who just wanted to play. 

So often I would look out the window to catch a glimpse of him biting at her face while she’s trying to relax. Sometimes he runs past her and bites her legs on the way. 28 years young this year and he never ceases to amaze me. 

Seeing the two of them working together to overcome their diversity for the benefit of both of them warmed my heart and calmed my soul on a day that very much started out in need of calming. 

*****

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Cyndi

 

Through The Fog

 Day 31

The sun slipped behind the tops of the trees and shone through the fog in the window. Years before we bought the house the seal on the window broke, leaving it to fill with condensation. 

Normally I dislike this window. We have tried to have it changed but the one person who did install windows here on the island passed away a few years back, leaving no one to fill his boots.This is normal on Haida Gwaii but as I watch the rest of the word through the hole in the mist that separates our word from the rest of the world, I see that everywhere is heading in this direction. 

The sun sets through this window every fall. It’s golden rays turning the broken fogged up window into a wonder of beauty. Every angle I approach the window from shows a different masterpiece. Every minute the sun sinks it paints the fog in coloured light. 

I think back on the day and the fog that filled my mind. Like the window there were moments where light shone through creating beauty through the cracks and smears. 

I wasn't at all a bad day. It was a great day, but even great days can be stressful. 

I could feel my body swelling. As if filling up with water I got puffier and puffier. My mind listed everything I had eaten that day……. Nothing new. Nothing I react to. 

I let myself be a mystery and I continued trying to relax. There was no relax today. 

Even on days that are fast and furious I manage to find a way to relax and my body does not puff. Today was calm, peaceful, nice really. There was no need for the intense focus and the adrenaline I have grown so fond of. The paperwork was not exhilarating. There was nothing to race the clock with and no big achievement to be had. 

My mind didn’t even wander. It simply stopped. Conversations halfway through just stopped. Thoughts just stopped. Words stopped. As if I was frozen but time was not. Time, who had yesterday been a worthy opponent had today become an inescapable prison. Still moving too fast. 

The day ended and I watched the memories of it slide into the darkness like I had watched the sun slip behind the trees. Taking a moment to look from all angles at the little bits of light that shone through. Every picture shows a new piece of fog and how it came to be, all becoming pieces of a puzzle. The puzzle that solves the mystery of what happened to me today.

*****

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