Life is Pain

The air was cold today. So cold it was hard to believe that somewhere not far from here on the continent there was summer. I could feel the polar ice caps on the northern wind, a chilling reminder of how far North we really are. 

The sky was gray and somewhat gloomy but I went about my day still high on the weekend vibes. 

By the end of the day the sky was blue and the wind had warmed a little. I was, as I usually am, grateful to be going back to Port Clements. The climate in Port Clements was milder than the one in Masset, protected on the center of the island it’s neatly nestled into the mountains. 

The grass whipped on the side of the road. The colours of stalks starting to turn, a sure sign that the season is maturing. The synchronicity of the flashing movement momentarily mesmerized me. They whipped back and forth in the cool winds with a beautiful yet simple display. I wondered if anyone else had managed to notice. 

So many of life’s simple beauty goes unnoticed as we chase our tails in the never ending race of what’s next,

What is next? I thought. 

I knew what needed to be done, what had to be done, what I wanted to do and what needed my attention the most. Unfortunately all these things were different. 

Flooded with gratitude for the work that I have put in to get where I am today I realized that if I maintained my boundaries and did my best to focus I could do most of those things. 

Brent and I had a nice dinner together, an omelet made from quail eggs we raised and spinach we grew. 

First I tackled the manure. Having been unable to use a wheelbarrow for some time now I have gotten used to my tiny buckets. My lovely horses have gotten the hang of pooping in one easy to access spot for me to pick. 

All the new poop picked up and plopped into the poop spot in the garden. I reminded myself that tonight was not the night to work on the old poop and as long as we keep up on the new poop we can chip away at the old poop as we go.  

Two weeks ago I was given the green light from my physiotherapist to work through the pain and start using my hand a little bit more. We worked together using a system with 3 gallon buckets to start slowly chipping away the neglected chores. I’m proud to say if it doesn’t rain I can carry full buckets. 

My shoulders, feet, knees, elbow and back all have their opinions of my lifestyle as well. Often I feel like I’m in constant negotiations with my body, bargaining with quality foods, supplements, rest and tools for a little more time enjoying the active lifestyle I love so much. 

The clock continued to tick on but I had just set the boundaries with the garden and I was so excited to go ride Punkin Pie I almost exploded. 

She did not share my excitement and stood in front of her feeder. You see she had grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle over the past 6 months and now that I’m able to ride properly a little bit, life isn’t all about cookies and mash. 

I put the squishy halter on her and walked her down to the mounting block. Today was my third ride on her bareback in the arena, and this time she enjoyed it. 

Tonka joined us in a short mosey around the tiny arena. The cold wind wiping off the ocean from the North made the most beautiful sound of waves crashing on the beach. 

We strolled around the arena for a while. Her and I with our matching fat rolls wobbling about as we explored this new way to connect. It was a short ride. 

I came into the house and thought about how well I had kept that boundary. Instead of running off into the sunset like I wanted to I worked on something nearly as fulfilling then came in to complete my night of work. 

There was even 10 minutes left on my horse clock so I picked up the sewing project I had been wanting to do for a while now and spent that 10 minutes carefully snipping the fabric of my new dress with scissors, a tool I hadn’t been able to use in almost 6 months. 

I sit here now, writing and working through the cornucopia of pain that tells the story of all the wonderful things I have done with my life and I am grateful for all these pains.  

*****

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Tonka Gets Wet

 Day 2 Take 2

September 15, 2022

The weather stayed half decent most of the day and around 3:00 pm I finally made it back outside. This time Brent came with me and we wandered around the property making plans for all the wonderful things making their way into our future. 

Having finally outgrown the tiny arena at the bottom of the driveway it was time to start making the move into the top field. While the final resting place of the arena will be in the far Eastern corner of the property there is way too much work to be done before it reaches that spot. So for now the nice sandy almost flat spot that the horses so kindly over grazed on me this year will be the temporary home of the new and bigger arena. 

This thought not only excites me because I will finally be able to work on gait regulation with Punkin Pie, both on the ground and in the saddle but also because this is the only sandy piece of pasture on the property and the thought of sand colic terrifies me. Having it act as an arena instead of a pasture makes sense right now and I’m grateful for footing I don’t have to truck in. 

Brent and I continued to make our plans. There’s so many wonderful things that are about to happen here if we can manage to stay on track. The first of which involves some clearing of land that will open up new trails for me to ride on during the winter months. Trails that I dream of lighting with stings of soft white and golden Christmas lights. 

The nights have been coming a little earlier everyday and soon Horse O’clock will be 100% in the dark. 

The manure chore and the garden chore go hand in hand. The manure is layered into the garden as it’s cleared of the weeds then left to sit for the winter. Thankfully our wonderful house sitter left the garden in such a beautiful state. As if my fairy godmother had tidied it, breaking down the mental barriers that had made it so difficult for my ADHD brain to cope with. Instead of the garden being a place of guilt and failure, she transformed it into a place of love and beauty. Precious stones and shells were left in perfect places. All the little scraggly sticks and shrubs were removed. The garlic was harvested. It was a beautiful place that was welcoming and wonderful to work in. So that’s what I did.  

Preparing the soil to plant next years garlic I felt the dry sandy loam in my hands. I sifted out the moss and little bits of weeds thinking back to last year. Last year and the year before harvesting the garlic, tears in my eyes with frozen mud covered hands. This year felt like a special treat compared to last. Gardening and manure picking being two of my top shoulder trigger chores. Triggering a shoulder reaction could cause an abrupt and painful end to this cycle before it even gets going. I have come too far to waste any more time being in pain due to poor choices. So I did so sparingly. 

Tonka plodded along beside me. As slow and steady as you can imagine an old man trapped in molasses. I took a deep breath. Breathing in all the smells. There were so many. First there was mostly flowers and ocean with a hint of dirt, then the soft scent of rain. 

We continued to walk at a speed which you would expect Eore to walk to Piglet's birthday party. Nice and slow, nothing to get excited about. There was a reason that Tonka is my rest day pony. I relaxed, and worked at letting that feeling flow all the way to my bones.

The night grew darker as we walked on. The sound of rain on the leaves started to grow louder. I looked ahead at the streetlights in front of us only to see a wall of water headed in our direction. 

“I think it’s time to turn around buddy” I said out loud to Tonka. 

There was no refusal from him. As we turned and started towards home. The rain grew in size and came down harder the more we walked. My little pony who had been so slow only moments before begging to trot home. 

We made it home. Even though I was soaking wet I was happy and had a wonderful time. I turned off the workout on my watch and there was a congratulations message stating that was our longest walk yet. 2.39 soaking wet kilometers towards pur Pony Express challenge. 24.9 miles now achieved for the challenge. 

With the ponies fed I went into my gym, kicked off my soaking wet shoes and enjoyed my hula hoop, just like I promised my back I would.

*****

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