Monday, June 12, 2023

Life is Pain

The air was cold today. So cold it was hard to believe that somewhere not far from here on the continent there was summer. I could feel the polar ice caps on the northern wind, a chilling reminder of how far North we really are. 


The sky was gray and somewhat gloomy but I went about my day still high on the weekend vibes. 


By the end of the day the sky was blue and the wind had warmed a little. I was, as I usually am, grateful to be going back to Port Clements. The climate in Port Clements was milder than the one in Masset, protected on the center of the island it’s neatly nestled into the mountains. 


The grass whipped on the side of the road. The colours of stalks starting to turn, a sure sign that the season is maturing. The synchronicity of the flashing movement momentarily mesmerized me. They whipped back and forth in the cool winds with a beautiful yet simple display. I wondered if anyone else had managed to notice. 


So many of life’s simple beauty goes unnoticed as we chase our tails in the never ending race of what’s next,


What is next? I thought. 


I knew what needed to be done, what had to be done, what I wanted to do and what needed my attention the most. Unfortunately all these things were different. 


Flooded with gratitude for the work that I have put in to get where I am today I realized that if I maintained my boundaries and did my best to focus I could do most of those things. 


Brent and I had a nice dinner together, an omelet made from quail eggs we raised and spinach we grew. 


First I tackled the manure. Having been unable to use a wheelbarrow for some time now I have gotten used to my tiny buckets. My lovely horses have gotten the hang of pooping in one easy to access spot for me to pick. 


All the new poop picked up and plopped into the poop spot in the garden. I reminded myself that tonight was not the night to work on the old poop and as long as we keep up on the new poop we can chip away at the old poop as we go.  


Two weeks ago I was given the green light from my physiotherapist to work through the pain and start using my hand a little bit more. We worked together using a system with 3 gallon buckets to start slowly chipping away the neglected chores. I’m proud to say if it doesn’t rain I can carry full buckets. 


My shoulders, feet, knees, elbow and back all have their opinions of my lifestyle as well. Often I feel like I’m in constant negotiations with my body, bargaining with quality foods, supplements, rest and tools for a little more time enjoying the active lifestyle I love so much. 



The clock continued to tick on but I had just set the boundaries with the garden and I was so excited to go ride Punkin Pie I almost exploded. 


She did not share my excitement and stood in front of her feeder. You see she had grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle over the past 6 months and now that I’m able to ride properly a little bit, life isn’t all about cookies and mash. 


I put the squishy halter on her and walked her down to the mounting block. Today was my third ride on her bareback in the arena, and this time she enjoyed it. 


Tonka joined us in a short mosey around the tiny arena. The cold wind wiping off the ocean from the North made the most beautiful sound of waves crashing on the beach. 


We strolled around the arena for a while. Her and I with our matching fat rolls wobbling about as we explored this new way to connect. It was a short ride. 


I came into the house and thought about how well I had kept that boundary. Instead of running off into the sunset like I wanted to I worked on something nearly as fulfilling then came in to complete my night of work. 


There was even 10 minutes left on my horse clock so I picked up the sewing project I had been wanting to do for a while now and spent that 10 minutes carefully snipping the fabric of my new dress with scissors, a tool I hadn’t been able to use in almost 6 months. 


I sit here now, writing and working through the cornucopia of pain that tells the story of all the wonderful things I have done with my life and I am grateful for all these pains.  



*****

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