Through The Fog

 Day 31

The sun slipped behind the tops of the trees and shone through the fog in the window. Years before we bought the house the seal on the window broke, leaving it to fill with condensation. 

Normally I dislike this window. We have tried to have it changed but the one person who did install windows here on the island passed away a few years back, leaving no one to fill his boots.This is normal on Haida Gwaii but as I watch the rest of the word through the hole in the mist that separates our word from the rest of the world, I see that everywhere is heading in this direction. 

The sun sets through this window every fall. It’s golden rays turning the broken fogged up window into a wonder of beauty. Every angle I approach the window from shows a different masterpiece. Every minute the sun sinks it paints the fog in coloured light. 

I think back on the day and the fog that filled my mind. Like the window there were moments where light shone through creating beauty through the cracks and smears. 

I wasn't at all a bad day. It was a great day, but even great days can be stressful. 

I could feel my body swelling. As if filling up with water I got puffier and puffier. My mind listed everything I had eaten that day……. Nothing new. Nothing I react to. 

I let myself be a mystery and I continued trying to relax. There was no relax today. 

Even on days that are fast and furious I manage to find a way to relax and my body does not puff. Today was calm, peaceful, nice really. There was no need for the intense focus and the adrenaline I have grown so fond of. The paperwork was not exhilarating. There was nothing to race the clock with and no big achievement to be had. 

My mind didn’t even wander. It simply stopped. Conversations halfway through just stopped. Thoughts just stopped. Words stopped. As if I was frozen but time was not. Time, who had yesterday been a worthy opponent had today become an inescapable prison. Still moving too fast. 

The day ended and I watched the memories of it slide into the darkness like I had watched the sun slip behind the trees. Taking a moment to look from all angles at the little bits of light that shone through. Every picture shows a new piece of fog and how it came to be, all becoming pieces of a puzzle. The puzzle that solves the mystery of what happened to me today.

*****

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