A Cellular Experience

 July 20, 2023 

Today I went for the first intentional walk alone in a very long time. It’s been a whole trip around the sun since I started the journey into this journey of learning to relax.

The coffee supplies at the hospital had been depleted and it’s my job to keep them stocked. Normally I would drive to the co-op and pick up what we need but today I decided to walk.

It was cloudy with dappled patches of blue sky. The scent of the breeze changed with the scenery as I walked closer to town. For a moment I could smell the salt and seaweed of the ocean, then the clover flowers blooming in the grass at the side of the road.

Dandelion imposters bloomed in the browning grass. Brown grass is a rare site here on Haida Gwaii and one I find concerning. For most of the summers we’ve lived here the the ground has gone squish when you walked on it. This year there’s more of a crunch.

My goal this week was to unwind the tension I had allowed to collect within me before I start a more focused fitness program next week. Yesterday I had found my shoulders had climbed up my neck and were residing beside my ears. Consciously through the day I took breaths and asked them nicely to return to their natural habitat closer to my breasts. It was difficult at first but eventually we got the hang of it and by the end of the day my neck was feeling freed from its prison of tension.

Taking that one step further today I moved my body while I continued to relax.

Letting my eyes go soft I absorbed the view. My gaze wandered out towards the water in hopes that the black fins of the killer whales would return again today. They didn’t but the calmness of the water helped me feel even more at peace.

Taking another deep breath I dropped the tension from my shoulders and let the tissues of my body release the motion of my movement. I could feel them relax and stretch out. They stretched like they had never stretched before. Not the kind of stretching that I had warped myself into attempting yoga or trying to develop more flexibility, this was so much deeper. I could almost feel the individual muscle bundles relax and stretch out. It was a more cellular feeling one that felt like they had finally gotten to put down a weight that they had been carrying for far too long.

My limbs felt longer and my gait lengthened.

Losing weight has been important to me for the primary reason that I would like my joints to last as long as possible. It seems only reasonable that the less weight they would carry the longer they would last. Today I found myself contemplating how much damage I was doing to my poor joints by asking them to work under this much tension. Most of life I’ve been a massive ball of stress hurling at ridiculous speeds into whatever stimulating adventure has grabbed my attention.

Pondering this I continued to move and breath. I realized that this is what the horses must feel like when we work on moving out relaxed. For many years as an equine sport therapist I talked to people about the importance of relaxed movement. This thought made me feel like I had treated myself to something precious, I had unconsciously taken as good a care of myself as I do my horses.

The walk carried on for most of my lunch hour with breaks to stop and snack on the various berries that grow in abundance on the islands.

After work I made my way out to the paddock and let the horses into their dinner field. Punkin cantered off into the field and I watched to see how much tension she was holding as she trotted around tossing her head in true Andalusian style I noticed a little tension in her gait. Just enough to protect herself from another embarrassing wipeout in the field. Knowing she was keeping herself safe I took another deep breath and enjoyed the new state of relaxation and connection with my horses.

****

Would you lie to read our book? Register to get your copy here HERE

Killer Whales At Work

It was a nice morning the world was quiet and you could feel the the darkness starting to take back it’s place in the day. There’s a shift I can feel in the world around me as we begin our decent into the darker half of the year. 

There is just as many days in darkness as there is in light and just a few weeks ago the days were the same length only getting longer. I can’t complain really, it’s light out at 5:00 am and stay that way until well after 10:00 pm but I can feel it in the air. We’ve begun the decent into darkness. 

I worked on my writing this morning compiling all the old bits and pieces that could make up a story to see if there might be a chance that somewhere in the wasteland of words there might be a story. Then it was time to hit the gym. 

This week I have decided re-embrace the rest based lifestyle that I had worked so hard on a year ago. My heart has told me that it’s time to learn to relax or become permentenlty broken. My body however needs to move so we’re learning to come to an agreement. 

Today I put on my Fitlist and danced with my hoop. Setting up the space and getting my head back into the game I’ve decided that this will be the week I get my sustainable routine in place and my head an gym ready to begin the works outs again next week. 

All too soon it was time to go to work. The drive was dreary and I was already missing the brief moment of summer. A summer that seems to have slipped away into the dreary days of another wet season in the Great Bear Rainforest. 

I drove the windy gray road and noticed that the tiny set of twin fawns close to Masset still wasn’t with their mother. They seemed to be gumming the tender grass at the side of the road. They were small and their spots seem to be clinging to them more so than the fawns with obvious mothers. 

Everyday I see them alone my heart breaks a little, at least they have each other, I tell myself. It;s so hard not to interfere with wildlife so tame. Understanding the importance of colostrum and mothers milk in the infant stages I find it hard not worry about their health. 

Brushing off my concerns for the orphan twins I kept on my way to work. It was a day full of endless things to do. That is one of the things I love about my job, there is no shortage of things for me to keep busy doing. Then as I was busy working away from me a I heard “I saw a killer whale”.

I dropped everything and ran outside. Everything stops for whales in my world and they were the first whales I had seen all year. They were also the first killer whales I had seen on Haida Gwaii. 

The moved fast with the currents of the tide. Their black fins coming up out of the white caped water. Excitement and awe filled my being. What a special treat. 

Killer whales are ominous of death in the Haida culture, or so I've been told. 

Today I watched some of my old habits wither and slowly collapsed under the weight of the new hope I carry. Maybe that old life I’ve been fighting to shed has died and been taken away. 

Want to know when the book is published? Click HERE and we'll email you when it's ready

Dinner With the Wild

 

Dinner With the Wild 

July 12, 2023 

Salmon berries were on the menu for dinner tonight. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to cook, I simply didn’t really feel like eating. 

The day had been long and stressful and it was everything I could do to muster the strength to take the old man out for a walk. Tonka had sulked a little more than usual last night, even though it had been almost a month since I was able to do anything he was keeping score like ponies do. Last night should have been his turn. 

With the weight of today's stress clinging to my skin I mustered up the strength to head outside to take my pony for a walk. 

He greeted me at the gate. His copper coloured coat glistened in the sun and wind had swept his forelock to the side just perfectly. He really is a stunning pony and was looking less and less his age everyday. My mind wandered to the fantasy where his cart is welded back together and we drive off into the sunset. 

I put on his halter and we started down the driveway. The connection of a 20 year partnership sizzled comfortably between us. I thought about all the wonderful things we had done together and how grateful I was to have him in my life. 

We slowly made our way down the road where the forest opened up to the ocean. The blue sky draped over the distant mountains that were green with the rich forest. An eagle circled above the shallow waters as the tide slowly drained the inlet leaving behind a swirl of shimmering greens, blues and browns. 

Opening my ears to let the texture of the sound in I heard the calls of small birds hidden away from my sight. The grass rustling in the gentle breeze and the buzz of the horse fly that had followed us from the barn. 

Peace washed over me and ounce by ounce the weight of the day let go of the grip it had on my skin. 

A large red berry glistening in the sunlight caught my eye. I slipped it off its home on the salmonberry bush and into my mouth. It was juicy and sweet. 

Tonka took the opportunity to enjoy a sweet treat of his own. The smell of clover mixed with salt air drifted by as he blew with approval. 

We continued down the road stopping at all the berry bushes to fill both our bellies with the goodness of summer on Haida Gwaii. 

2.13 Km we walked today snacking and enjoying the wild world around us. Some of the local deer were cautious when they saw us even though they often spend time visiting the horses in the pasture.They seem to pretend they don’t know them as soon as they’re out in public. Tonka doesn’t seem nearly as bothered by the shallowness of this friendship as Punki is, so they barely acknowledged each other as we all wandered about snacking on the bounty of the season. 

One human crossed our path, I suspect this was most likely a tourist. They seemed almost shocked to see a woman with a small pony doodling down the road looking like an eccentric old lady with her giant pet. We nodded politely and went back to experiencing the nature that surrounded us. 

When we arrived back home one of the ravens was here to reluctantly greet us at the bottom of the driveway. I thought about all the wonderful animals that share their space in the world with me and the last bit of stress fell. With my belly full of berries and a happy pony we hiked back up the driveway ready to face another day tomorrow. 

Want to know when the book is published? Click HERE and we'll email you when it's ready

Today I was Easy - A Good Day with ADHD

Friday I chose to run and slowly started breaking my body into the idea of learning to run again. The thought of not being able to outrun even the slow dumb zombies in a zombie apocalypse not only entertained me but concerned me as well.  

While I don’t suspect that’s a threat I’ll have to face, there are real life threats that could have me appreciating the ability to run. Like chasing a naughty pony through the ditches of Port Clements or outrunning a swarm of malicious blood thirsty noseems. 

In case you're unfamiliar with noseems they are the smallest of the pesty flesh eating flie and they hurt the most. They are so small in fact that just one of them is nearly invisible to the naked eye. Here on Haida Gwaii a swarm of them can turn the sky black if the wind stops blowing. Just the thought of being close to one of those swarms makes me sure that my plan to encourage my body to run again is a good one. 

Friday was the night before last now. Having stayed up way too late the night before writing it was apparent that I was going to have to make up for lost rest. And so I did. 

I spent the day curled up in comfortable clothes and on a whim rebuilt the website that I had accidentally deleted a week or so ago. I even made sure that I had my customary weekend nap and I took it really easy on the stimulants. 

It felt good to be inspired and relaxed. It felt good to be into something and hyper fixated without being physically hyper. 

I worked all day and into the night on the website. There was suddenly so many solutions to so many thoughts that fluttered around in my brain making it hard to create a plan forward with my vision. 

One of the cursed blessings my ADHD blessed me with was the ability to see many futures unfold at once quite quickly. Sometimes I have the rare privilege of just seeing now and soon in one reality but my mind unfolds so many possible realities in my imagination that it’s hard sometimes to keep track of what I really want. Especially when they all look like fun. Then before you know it I want all of them and off I go on an impossible tangent to do all the things. 

This was my stuck point with the website and with the business. I want it all and I want it all now. My excitement to create and provide some cool content left me in a world of wondering what direction to go on first. 

In the end I decided to let the people decide. Afterall all the paths forward look like they’ll be a lot of fun to create, I’m just glad I won’t be the one to decide where to start.

Most of today was spent finishing the first tier of my diabolical plan to see how the world approaches living a healthy lifestyle. There is so much more than just diet and exercise that need to be considered in health. After all so many people don’t have access to healthy food or time and energy to workout because of financial responsibilities.  

Maybe we should take financial health just as seriously as we take physical health. We should talk about the difference between mental, emotional and spiritual health, because those things are not the same and need to be worked differently and honored differently when we work on creating health in our lives. Social and sexual health come naturally to some people but for many of us we live in bubbles of “”EEEEEEWWWWWW People..” So how do we honor and strengthen those parts of us? 

Seven pillars to strengthen. Seven parts of the human to honor and work with. Seven colours to make up the rainbow because all the the parts should run alongside each other sharing in the beauty of life. 

Health is not black and white. Health is a rainbow. 

The passion oozed from me as I saw my idea come to colourful light on the page before me. Recognizing that I was doing work that made my soul happy made it that much better. 

Throughout the day I would wander out into the garden and once again let my soul lead the way. The ADHD runs thick through this human because I did not focus on one project or one spot all afternoon and still got a tremendous amount done. 

I did not fight with myself. I did not push myself to do what I thought I should be doing. I did not require a good excuse to switch tasks part way through the garden time I just left myself alone and did what I wanted to do. After all, it's a garden. Who cares if it's the garden that ADHD built. It’s getting built and that’s what matters. 

It was hard to come in from the garden but it had to happen. Laundry needed doing and I was wearing clothes that needed to be washed. 

After 2 years of trying to solidify this routine it finally felt easy. The clothes went into the laundry, and I chose an outfit for tomorrow. Then I transferred the smoothie cups into a freezer bag and prepped the daily protein drinks for tomorrow. Whey protein has changed my life in ways I can’t even begin to describe for fear that no one would believe me if I tried. 

I felt grateful to be getting together all the things that make me feel good. After feeling like garbage for so long, to feel good was the most amazing thing in the world. Everything felt easy tonight. Even going to be feels like it might be easy tonight. 

*******

This is a writing sample from our book! Did you like it? Would you like to ready the whole thing? Click The HERE to sign up for the book. 

Introducing Mental Resistance

The cool ocean breeze whispered across my face, gently caressing my cheeks. A strand of hair that came loose from my ponytail tickled against my face. 

Soaking up the cold, I found the crispy air a pleasure. It’s June and for most the cold winds of the North Coast of Haida Gwaii can be somewhat depressing. Spring or even summer should be in the air by now but all I smelled was salt and seaweed. 

I was glad I hadn’t tried to coordinate all my clothes at the beginning of the week like I had all winter. The morning was hard though and the anxiety of having to choose my clothes weighed heavy on me this morning. 

It’s not a big decision but still a decision. I have found that when you’re forcing a brain with an executive function disorder to operate hours before it’s ready, the more choices you can make for that brain while its minimal executive function skills are functioning the better. 

The less I have to think in the morning the smoother my day goes. This is why I have “automated” as much of my process as possible. Choosing clothes a week in advance was not an option right now though. The winds may have blown down from the North today but any day now they may blow from the south bringing with them the heat of the summer.

My morning had derailed the moment I opened my eyes. The fact that they did not want to open was a sure sign that the day was going to be a bigger fight than normal. It’s a strange thing being in a fight with yourself almost all the time. Today the fight was more. 

I dragged my feet the whole morning and not just because yesterday was leg day. The minutes kept sliding past me without consent or control. The morning just kept happening to me and I was not a willing participant. 

Work wasn’t any better and in fact to put it lightly it was the most Monday I Mondays I think I have ever had. There was a moment when I thought about giving up and running away as soon as possible. 

The short walk in the chilling breeze helped cool my head in more ways than one. 

The day continued but I felt better after lunch and I started to feel in tune with the rhythm of the clinic. 

This morning's personal fight had drained me leaving not much energy to play with Punkin Pie. 

I could feel her getting a little bored and antsy and I knew that she needed me to get her out again very soon. First I had to collapse. 

I couldn’t fight with myself anymore. 

I laid in my cozy bed and thought about how sad life would be without horses. I promised myself I couldn’t take care of them the way I felt they deserved to be taken care of then I would have to find them homes that could.

Punkin loves to get out and do things and her quality of life goes down when I’m not able to provide her with outings. Therefore outings are a must in care plan for Punkin Pie. Tonight however I didn’t have an outing in me. I didn’t even have it in me to put on a bra let alone a saddle. 

Work stress had stolen far too much horse time from me lately though. Punkin needed to do something tonight. 

“Punkin”, I called out to her while cracking open the cookie jar. She was there at the gate before my hand had a clutch of cookies.

I opened the gate, put on the halter and lead and dusted her off with my good hand. She was willing as always to do whatever I had in mind, but she seemed shocked that she wasn’t getting a saddle. 

We went down to the arena, she looked and saw the gate to the outside world was opened and I could tell she was hopeful. Tonight we weren’t going to go on an adventure, we were going to work on the issue of mounting. Recently I discovered that she doesn’t like being mounted when there are stirrups involved. Seems like a fair compromise to me that if she learns to stand nice and still in the right spot I will learn to get on gently without using stirrups. 

I sat on the top stair of the staircase my husband had built me for the grooming shop. They now live happily in the arena and made the perfect tool to this training adventure. 

We hung out together and I scratched both sides slowly, winning her over with a nice chill attitude, massage and a couple of cookies.

When she was ready I slid onto her back and pointed her up the driveway. She refused and turned towards the open gate. She needs the adventure and in order to give that to her I’m going to have to get better at not putting up such a fight. 

******

If you want to read the whole book click HERE and I'll send you an email when it's published

 Today was leg day. I love leg day for multiple reasons. A few months ago I could barely walk up my stairs because my fibromyalgia symptoms were so bad. Today I not only climbed the stairs but climbed the stairs backwards. 

I raked the first pile of manure up into a scoopable little pile. It was the farthest away from the house, the farthest down the long winding driveway and the closest pile to the gate. The gate separates my fortress of solitude from the outside world and today I wasn’t quite in the right space to be so close to it. 

The steel tongs of the manure fork scratched against the ground bringing up the old manure, some grass and a few rocks. I don’t mind rocks in the garden after all that is where minerals come from and I want my soil rich with all good things including minerals.

Picking up the brand new plastic manure fork I scooped the first pile into the tiny bucket. The nice light weight of the new tool was a relief to my hands. For 8 years I have been struggling to keep up with the manure here on Haida Gwaii. First my challenge was the grass. The grass would always clump into the manure making it difficult to scoop with a plastic fork. So I bought a metal one. The next challenge was the wheelbarrow. For 8 years I have been fighting with trying to use a wheelbarrow on a property that really isn’t very wheelbarrow friendly. 

The hand injury has made the choice to give up on the wheelbarrow a must. Now instead I carry everything in buckets. The buckets are small and on leg day they are filled with a light enough weight that my arms aren’t being over challenged. The object after all is to strengthen my legs, heart and lungs while getting as much done as possible, without of course staining my hand injury. 

I scooped the first pile into buckets. Thoughts of the work week starting tomorrow crept into my head. Before I knew it the stress of the week to come was encasing me in a cement of my own anxiety. This is not the time or the place to worry about work. I thought to myself. I had promised myself years ago that the fitness time and space was about working with and for my mind and body. 

Clearing my head of all useless thoughts I focused on my body and what I was feeling in the moment. 

The first set of 10 squats completed, I headed up the steep driveway, my lungs burning. It was apparent that I will need to focus on my lungs more during my daily workouts. Up I went taking long deep steps. This is hard I thought.This is supposed to be hard I reminded myself. 

I pushed through the hard and focused on enjoying the power in my body. I was getting stronger so much faster now. A function I thought fibromyalgia had stolen from me. Being on top of my supplements everyday was the only way to FM at bay but my ADHD makes that a challenge. 

Life is hard. I thought. It is hard and it’s even harder with so many challenges. The purpose of a challenge though is to beat it. Thankfully I love to win. 

I train for life in “the gym”. The gym is the term I use for the time, space and energy I dedicate in a day to focus on just that. Training for life. Because there aren’t enough hours in the day to spend an hour training each part of me. My mind, body and farm chores often get creatively blended to one task that benefits many parts of my life. 

Half way through the workout it was time to start going up the hill backwards. This was hard. This was really hard. I stopped. I could just quit right here.  The sound of my thoughts strong over the gasping of my breaths. This was the first time I attempted the hill backwards and it was harder in so many ways than I had thought it would be. 

My legs burned in places I hadn’t expected. My mind protested louder and more than I thought it would too. 

Suddenly I got excited. This is what it’s all about. Pushing myself to my limits and knowing exactly how to work with myself inside them. Sweat started to pour down m y face. My heart beat heard in my chest. My lungs and legs pulsed with the power of being pushed. Nothing was unbearable, just really hard.

******

If you enjoyed this and would like to read the whole book click HERE to sign up to be notified when it's published.

The Yellow Flowers and The Listless Vine

November 18 2022 

The Yellow Flowers And The Listless Vine 

I watched the steam twist and turn as it rose into the dimly lit room. The tomato plants in all stages of late life sat on the shelves beside me. One vine hanging from the ceiling, its leaves sagging listlessly, still carrying green and orange tomatoes. Another one has fresh shoots coming up from its original stem. Fresh yellow flowers bloom as if in protest of the season’s change. 

The ice that covered the world in whimsical works of frosted art this morning, a sure that winter is quite literally on the doorstep. 

All summer I had dreamed of being like the tomato that bloomed more flowers, somehow coming up with the strength and energy to fight the darkening days. I had to fight to find that energy in the summer when the days were warm and dry. 

I moved my foot to cover one of the overpowered jets and used it as a foot massager. Brent had put the pump from a much larger hot tub into this one when we salvaged it. This wonderful accidental upgrade happened solely because we did what we could with what we had at the time. 

I relaxed a little deeper, and stretched out a little more. It felt just like having a chance to star fish on the bed for those brief moments in the morning when the bed comes all mine. I star fished as I sank to the bottom of the tub. Covering my whole body, the whirling of the bubbles from the force of the jetted water dancing around me in flurry of warmth. The steam rising into the air around me. 

I thought about how great my body felt despite the chaos of the day. I have never been touched in the psoas before so even the knowing hands of a very skilled bodyworker touching the depth of my core was a very strange thing. To have that muscles fascia manually manipulated was a whole other inner body experience. I stretched out my torso and reflected on the limber feeling that now filled the middle of my once awkward feeling body. 

“You look taller” I heard twice today. I felt taller and flatter. I could feel parts of my body that I thought had left me for good 23 years ago when I had my first born. 

1.5 inches off my waist I had lost since last I looked. Now I wish I had payed a little more attention to those measurements as well instead of just the ones on the scale. 

I took a deep breath in and felt my ribs move freely. It was a good feeling to be able to breathe with less restriction. Now I fully understand why the horses I worked on for years loved me the way they did.

Another deep breath in and I switched feet. The yellow flower of the rebellious tomato plant caught my eye again. 

I set myself unrealistic expectations I have been told over, and over, and over again. I expect myself to do more than I really can. The odd thing is however that I can do more but not every day. Making those expectations not so unrealistic. There are these amazing days when the moon and the stars line up and I can focus on anything I choose and I have the energy to sustain me and my crazy ambitions all day as long as I want. The SPLAT!! I’m back to high functioning hot mess barely holding it together chasing the fairy tale of that perfect day. 

I wonder if the yellow flower is chasing the fairy tale of the perfect day or if she’s mastered the art of slowly moving forward with the tools she has. 

Another deep breath as I adjust my star fish position to find a new jet to massage my back. What a year this has been. So many of the things I managed to do I did with the ebb and flow of reality. Not everything I accomplished happened on one of those fairytale days. In fact it was quite the opposite. 

A flood of relief washed over me. I had managed to feel good enough to get through school, grow a bit of food, start Punink Pie under saddle and find my voice as a writer. There were days that set me back more days than I moved forward, but here I was on the 18th of November looking through the steam coming from a hot tub that took us four years to finally salvage, in the sunroom that Brent built for me when we first moved here at a flower growing when it shouldn’t be on a plant we started from seed. 

A deep breath out. Everything will happen when it happens. Not all days will be fairytales, but all days will lead to the future. And the future is starting to look pretty good now that I’m learning how to work with myself more kindly on the days that aren’t. I might not have the energy to bloom like I did all summer but I’m still quite happily ripening my fruit like the listless tomato plant hanging from the roof. 

As Simple As A Sandwich

November 16, 2022 

I slept until noon haunted by delirious dreams. There were strange realities and different realms of confusion. It was the strangest sleep I have had. As if I were having fever dreams without the fever. 

So covered in cat, I spent my day drinking things that help me feel better. Hoping to be rid of whatever is causing my weird ears and yuckiness. Thankfully my heel healed beautifully overnight by the end of the day I was walking without problems. 

By late afternoon I was finally ready to eat something. The gluten free flatbreads in the freezer that I save for moments when I'm in need of comfort food were a good choice for today. With a diagonal cut I separated the halves of the bread. Triangles being more fun to eat than rectangles. Spreading a thin layer of mystery pesto a dear friend of mine had just gifted me from the bounty of her summer's labor I started thinking about the food that I was about to eat. The green peppers plants that bore the fruit of the pepper I was now slicing are upstairs in the bathroom producing more fruit in our jungle of goodness. The tomatoes that bore the fruit I was putting next on my sandwich are growing next to them in the same bathroom jungle. The onion was a store bought one, and they made me sad that the tiny onions we did manage to grow in the garden weren’t here to be a part of my sandwich. 

The coho bits were left over from last night’s dinner. The coho that swam up the inlet, past our house to the old horse pasture, where it was caught and brought to us for nourishment. All parts we won't eat buried and nourishing the garden outside the front door. It melted beautifully into the tiny bits of goat mozza I have as a treat occasionally. 

A thick layer of fresh alfalfa and clover sprouts shrunk and softened as I heated the sandwich into a pile of homegrown goodness. 

Bread, cheese and onions. The only parts of the sandwich paid for by time sold to someone else. 

I thought about what has had to happen over the years for this sandwich. All the failures, and successes. The sweat, the tears, the mud, so many nights when all I wanted to do was give up because after all can’t we just buy food from the groceries store? 

In our case, no. The food is unreliable. The ferry gets canceled. The shelves go bare. That’s not why we grow our own food but it certainly makes it easier not to quit when it’s rained for two years and the puddles in the garden are taller than my boots. 

The sandwich that now so seems simple separated from all the complications of seven years worth of strife. 

I bite into it. The perfect flavor and crunch. The perfect comfort of hot melty goodness for a day spent on the couch covered in floppy cat. With my belly full of hopes and dreams I allowed myself to find even more inspiration in my food. 

The seeds for the 2023 garden came in the mail today, along with the first of the mushroom kits. Golden oyster mushrooms. I can hardly wait. 

After reading the instructions twice and carefully sterilizing everything I cut the X in the bag provided. The rich substrate made of sterilized hard wood chips and organic wheat bran smelled of the most delicious nutritious soil. Brent and I were both excited to see the white webbing of mycelium woven into the dark substance forming the symbiotic relationship fungus is famous for. 

I misted the small humidity tent and tucked it into the perfect spot in the bathroom jungle where it will have just the right amount of light and just the right amount of heat. 

Pea shoots are one of the only DOA rich foods and I found them to be one of the more helpful things for my strange histamine issues. The are however $7 or more a handful. That’s 20 minutes of my work day’s wages, not to mention that every handful comes in a very hard to reuse plastic container. So every handful of pea shoots that make my skin feel better for a day put a sizable bite in my paycheck and adds to my garbage guilt. 

So for one and a half hours worth of my time at work I bought 5 lbs of pea shoot seed in a reusable bag and this winter I’m going to get just as good at pea shoots as I am alfalfa sprouts. One species of plant and one method at a time I will figure out how I can grow my food. And if I’m patient with myself and find ways it will work for me then it can be as simple as a sandwich and I’ll get to spend more time snuggling my cats or riding my horses. 

The Curse Of The Long Legs

November 15, 2022 

While I might be one of the shorter people in my family I was still gifted the long legs. Long legs that come with an incredibly long gait. If I were a horse I would be a Tennessee Walking Horse because my walk covers a lot of ground very quickly. 

Having stayed home from work today on account of a weird ear issue I spent the morning trying to get my inner acoustical bits to balance out. 

After a great deal of snot what expelled my ears started to sound a little more like they’re supposed to. Feeling a little bit on the mend I thought I would go grab a couple bays of hay. 

I loaded the hay onto the hay cart and began pulling it towards the truck. First I stepped with my left foot, soaking in how wonderful my body was starting to feel.  Just in this moment I was finally felt a little better. 

For my functional fitness time this morning I chose the hula hoop. My ribs were feeling loose and limber, my shoulders free, my spine undulating as it was intended to do. My ears were clear, I could breathe through my nose and my head didn’t hurt. 

I’ve been working so hard for over a year now to make the changes I need to feel good. And in this moment I felt good. I felt relieved that I finally had a breakthrough. 

Then I stepped with my right foot. Pain shot up my leg and deep into my foot. Thick searing pain that stole the breath from my lungs.

My heels have been crushed by the misplaced hooves of many horses over my 30 years of equine experiences. None of that pain even came close to the pain that the edge of this steel cart had just inflicted. 

I gasped and did the Holy Crap That REALLY Hurt Face. Then tried to take another step. NOPE. 

I stood there, breathing it out for what seemed like an eternity, glancing around to make sure that no one saw my ridiculous injury.

I managed to load the feed while hobbling. I drove down the road, the mist wrapping itself around the shores of the Pacific Ocean, hiding the beaches in a beautiful fog. It was truly majestic and I would have loved to stop and take more pictures but my entire leg was throbbing with pain. 

I always forget how much pain sucks the life out of everything, I wanted to go to bed and feel sorry for myself but instead I put my foot up on some ice and set about my writing. At the moment it’s frozen and the pretty colors have started. Tomorrow’s a new day and just in case I have started to think about ways to move my body without putting weight on my feet for tomorrow's functional fitness time.