A Cellular Experience

 July 20, 2023 

Today I went for the first intentional walk alone in a very long time. It’s been a whole trip around the sun since I started the journey into this journey of learning to relax.

The coffee supplies at the hospital had been depleted and it’s my job to keep them stocked. Normally I would drive to the co-op and pick up what we need but today I decided to walk.

It was cloudy with dappled patches of blue sky. The scent of the breeze changed with the scenery as I walked closer to town. For a moment I could smell the salt and seaweed of the ocean, then the clover flowers blooming in the grass at the side of the road.

Dandelion imposters bloomed in the browning grass. Brown grass is a rare site here on Haida Gwaii and one I find concerning. For most of the summers we’ve lived here the the ground has gone squish when you walked on it. This year there’s more of a crunch.

My goal this week was to unwind the tension I had allowed to collect within me before I start a more focused fitness program next week. Yesterday I had found my shoulders had climbed up my neck and were residing beside my ears. Consciously through the day I took breaths and asked them nicely to return to their natural habitat closer to my breasts. It was difficult at first but eventually we got the hang of it and by the end of the day my neck was feeling freed from its prison of tension.

Taking that one step further today I moved my body while I continued to relax.

Letting my eyes go soft I absorbed the view. My gaze wandered out towards the water in hopes that the black fins of the killer whales would return again today. They didn’t but the calmness of the water helped me feel even more at peace.

Taking another deep breath I dropped the tension from my shoulders and let the tissues of my body release the motion of my movement. I could feel them relax and stretch out. They stretched like they had never stretched before. Not the kind of stretching that I had warped myself into attempting yoga or trying to develop more flexibility, this was so much deeper. I could almost feel the individual muscle bundles relax and stretch out. It was a more cellular feeling one that felt like they had finally gotten to put down a weight that they had been carrying for far too long.

My limbs felt longer and my gait lengthened.

Losing weight has been important to me for the primary reason that I would like my joints to last as long as possible. It seems only reasonable that the less weight they would carry the longer they would last. Today I found myself contemplating how much damage I was doing to my poor joints by asking them to work under this much tension. Most of life I’ve been a massive ball of stress hurling at ridiculous speeds into whatever stimulating adventure has grabbed my attention.

Pondering this I continued to move and breath. I realized that this is what the horses must feel like when we work on moving out relaxed. For many years as an equine sport therapist I talked to people about the importance of relaxed movement. This thought made me feel like I had treated myself to something precious, I had unconsciously taken as good a care of myself as I do my horses.

The walk carried on for most of my lunch hour with breaks to stop and snack on the various berries that grow in abundance on the islands.

After work I made my way out to the paddock and let the horses into their dinner field. Punkin cantered off into the field and I watched to see how much tension she was holding as she trotted around tossing her head in true Andalusian style I noticed a little tension in her gait. Just enough to protect herself from another embarrassing wipeout in the field. Knowing she was keeping herself safe I took another deep breath and enjoyed the new state of relaxation and connection with my horses.

****

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Introducing Mental Resistance

The cool ocean breeze whispered across my face, gently caressing my cheeks. A strand of hair that came loose from my ponytail tickled against my face. 

Soaking up the cold, I found the crispy air a pleasure. It’s June and for most the cold winds of the North Coast of Haida Gwaii can be somewhat depressing. Spring or even summer should be in the air by now but all I smelled was salt and seaweed. 

I was glad I hadn’t tried to coordinate all my clothes at the beginning of the week like I had all winter. The morning was hard though and the anxiety of having to choose my clothes weighed heavy on me this morning. 

It’s not a big decision but still a decision. I have found that when you’re forcing a brain with an executive function disorder to operate hours before it’s ready, the more choices you can make for that brain while its minimal executive function skills are functioning the better. 

The less I have to think in the morning the smoother my day goes. This is why I have “automated” as much of my process as possible. Choosing clothes a week in advance was not an option right now though. The winds may have blown down from the North today but any day now they may blow from the south bringing with them the heat of the summer.

My morning had derailed the moment I opened my eyes. The fact that they did not want to open was a sure sign that the day was going to be a bigger fight than normal. It’s a strange thing being in a fight with yourself almost all the time. Today the fight was more. 

I dragged my feet the whole morning and not just because yesterday was leg day. The minutes kept sliding past me without consent or control. The morning just kept happening to me and I was not a willing participant. 

Work wasn’t any better and in fact to put it lightly it was the most Monday I Mondays I think I have ever had. There was a moment when I thought about giving up and running away as soon as possible. 

The short walk in the chilling breeze helped cool my head in more ways than one. 

The day continued but I felt better after lunch and I started to feel in tune with the rhythm of the clinic. 

This morning's personal fight had drained me leaving not much energy to play with Punkin Pie. 

I could feel her getting a little bored and antsy and I knew that she needed me to get her out again very soon. First I had to collapse. 

I couldn’t fight with myself anymore. 

I laid in my cozy bed and thought about how sad life would be without horses. I promised myself I couldn’t take care of them the way I felt they deserved to be taken care of then I would have to find them homes that could.

Punkin loves to get out and do things and her quality of life goes down when I’m not able to provide her with outings. Therefore outings are a must in care plan for Punkin Pie. Tonight however I didn’t have an outing in me. I didn’t even have it in me to put on a bra let alone a saddle. 

Work stress had stolen far too much horse time from me lately though. Punkin needed to do something tonight. 

“Punkin”, I called out to her while cracking open the cookie jar. She was there at the gate before my hand had a clutch of cookies.

I opened the gate, put on the halter and lead and dusted her off with my good hand. She was willing as always to do whatever I had in mind, but she seemed shocked that she wasn’t getting a saddle. 

We went down to the arena, she looked and saw the gate to the outside world was opened and I could tell she was hopeful. Tonight we weren’t going to go on an adventure, we were going to work on the issue of mounting. Recently I discovered that she doesn’t like being mounted when there are stirrups involved. Seems like a fair compromise to me that if she learns to stand nice and still in the right spot I will learn to get on gently without using stirrups. 

I sat on the top stair of the staircase my husband had built me for the grooming shop. They now live happily in the arena and made the perfect tool to this training adventure. 

We hung out together and I scratched both sides slowly, winning her over with a nice chill attitude, massage and a couple of cookies.

When she was ready I slid onto her back and pointed her up the driveway. She refused and turned towards the open gate. She needs the adventure and in order to give that to her I’m going to have to get better at not putting up such a fight. 

******

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A Voice From Beyond - Punkin's 6th Ride

 Day 3 Take 3 

October 25, 2022 

I decided to try something new with my stirrups and my pathetic attempt at twisting my fenders was nothing short of a mess.

We lunged first in the driest patch of the driveway. My visions of working on the property all winter had dissolved when the dry sandy ground turned to slick mud. Eventually the footing will come but it’s not here now and waiting for things to be perfect only means I’m cheating myself out of one more ride with what will be my last horse. 

I tacked Punkin Pie up complete with front and rear reflectors, plus reflectors on all for legs. My torso was covered with a reflective vest and my helmet was equipped with a fully charged GoPro as well as front and rear facing lights. With only 12 more days left until the dreaded daylight savings time begins, getting the “Christmas Tree Costume” in place is going to be a saving grace when our rides start and end in the dark. 

We lunged for a bit first, and in hindsight probably not long enough.

Tying my 14 foot natural horsemanship lead line into a set of reins on her cushy padded halter, I took her over to the mounting block. She was fidgety and not altogether sure if today this whole mom on top thing was a good idea. 

The mess of stirrups was way too much of a mess to use. I couldn't even get my feet into them, probably because on top of the mess I had made I had also made them too long. 

I thought about getting off. She was hot. Really hot. Still responsive and soft in my hands but it was definitely time to take my 14.2 hand high fire breathing dragon out for some exercise. Screw the stirrups.

Remembering how my tight thighs had rubbed her during one of our last rides I focused on relaxing my inner thighs, stretching down through my legs and holding with my lower pelvic muscles. I sat up straight and relaxed my shoulders so as not to put any undesirable pressure on my very green horse. 

I managed to talk the dead feeling spot in my pelvic floor into engaging. I couldn't feel a thing but suddenly I was stable. 

Punkin on the other hand wasn’t too sure about all this and really needed some grass to calm her tummy. Grass, especially the fiber rich not-so-sweet grass that grows on Haida Gwaii, has a way of making horse tummies feel better when the world gets a little scary. Today was scary, not only was mom wobbling about on her back while messed up stirrups touched her delicate tummy, it was starting to get dark. 

I asked her to pick up her head and keep moving forward, which she did delectably at first and then with gusto. Her power feels amazing underneath me and yet she remains so light in my hands with just a squishy halter and big fat lead rope for a bridle and reins. 

It felt like she was asking a lot for snacks tonight. For a moment I felt myself get discouraged. Then, clear as a bell from somewhere unimaginably far away I heard a voice “Look at what you are doing!” 

I took myself out of the moment I was in almost as though I had popped out of the saddle into a type of out of body experience. 40 years of riding experiences flashed before my eyes and I saw with perspective exactly what I was doing. I was riding my very green horse, on a loose rein, with nothing but a halter and lead rope for a bridle, down the road as it was getting dark with no stirrups. 

Suddenly I was filled with gratitude. All the work, all the preparation, all the tiny steps I had taken when I felt like I was getting nowhere had gotten me so much farther ahead than I had ever been before.

*****

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Preparing To Brave The Next Flood Of Life

 Day 15 Take 2 

September 28, 2022 

I find myself getting ready to expand my horizons yet again and continue my education a little farther. This training thankfully is a short training and should expand me a fair bit in a short period of time. 

Getting prepared to brave the next flood of life involves finding a photo of myself and writing an introduction. The introduction is not the problem. The photo on the other hand is a bit of a challenge. 

I’m not a fan of photographing humans and I’m not an exception. I do keep photographs of my favorite humans for the sake of memories. The honest stories told by the faces of children are a pleasure to photograph but when it comes to posing for a camera, especially my own I find it utterly ridiculous. This is why many of the pictures of me involve such props as excessive glitter, flying pics onesies, goofy safety glasses, rainbow mermaid pants or my person favorite excessive amounts of dirt. 

In the process of finding a suitable picture to go with the story I will be telling in my introduction I had to flip through a few years of pictures. To my amazement I had taken some before pictures from before I gave up all those times ago. The amount in which my body has changed since I have embraced a rest based lifestyle is amazing. I have been missing my rest based lifestyle and 15 minute workouts those days.

Making the commitment to get fitter and fix my diet has made a world of difference. It’s been at least 4 years since I could even dream about being capable of doing the things I’m doing now.

18 hours a day I’ve been working for 15 days now. Yesterday I did not sit between the hours of 5:15 pm and midnight. Coming home tonight I jumped in my truck and trailer and like I hadn’t missed a day in the past two years I backed that truck and trailer right up the driveway and to the air compressor to pump up the one flat tire. 

The rust had eaten away at so many of the non essential elements of the trailer. The fenders are in rough shape and this made me check the frame once again. 

It’s still good. This up and coming vet appointment is raising my cortisol levels more than I care to admit. 

Tire was pumped up and ready to roll. Fresh shaving and a hay net placed into the trailer ready for to provide road trip snacks. 

I grabbed Tonka and put him in the trailer. He was a little antsy but he’s a good enough boy to tie so I left him tied and went off to get Punky.. We got two feet in today. 

The smell of smoking salmon filled the air. There was fish to process. Tomorrow is a new day and I will take my tiny win. 

*** Photo Credit Kim Madore on my first ever ride to the Psuada shipwreck. Kim, if your're reading this thank you for taking the picture I will be using in the training intro I have to submit tonight. 

*****

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Taking Out The Trailer

 Day 14 Take 2 

September 27 2022 

The driveway is unusually steep and windy and the large canyon like grooves that appear from the force of the winter rains makes it that much more difficult. 

It was over a year and a half since I had hooked up the truck to my horse trailer. I’ve been dreading this moment, worried deep down inside that my ability to drive the rig was dissolving as fast as the rust was taking over. 

I looked at the trailer everyday with guilt as I watched helplessly while the rust spread like a plague on its steel. 

How many times had I given directions to people and told them they would know when they got to my house because you’ll see the unloved looking horse trailer part way up the driveway. 

I love my trailer. She’s never let me down and I’ve put her through a lot. I put the old farm truck, who was also looking a little worse for wear, in 4 wheel drive and slowly began to back the truck and trailer up the steep and winding driveway. Thankfully my trailer driving skills were not nearly as rusty as the rig. 

The first corner is a bit of a doozy and that’s where I decided I would stop. Taking the bottom half of the walk up and down with tools and supplies was good enough for me. 

Every year every horse trailer owning horsey woman pulls out her trailer and does her due diligence. First the shavings are scraped out then the matts removed to expose the naked floor. Thankfully the floor was in mostly good shape with only one small space needing to be addressed this year. 

Next the walls are smacked with a hammer or other big thing that makes holes. The idea is to make sure that no matter our pissed off our equine babies are that they can kick and scream all they like and they’re not going to kick right through hurting their poor little legs. Not to mention stripping off their tendons or getting a nasty slice that will certainly require a tetanus shot if they’re close to due. The walls like the floor were sound enough for the up and coming trip to the vet. 

The frame was next on my list and just my luck both days I had planned to do this the weather was good. Life however has a nasty habit of ruining everything as soon as I write down my plan. In the future I will remember to scheme in silence so the future doesn't know what I have in store for it.

The first I planned to hook up the trailer was the day that Punkin choked. The next was yesterday but the fish people came and we processed salmon instead. So here I was outside in the rain crawling under my rust bucket praying to every god, spirit and imp that would listen that the frame is still safe. 

Rest never sleeps. My dad taught this to me through his love of music as a child and not a day has gone by in the past year that I haven’t looked at the unloved looking horse trailer and thought about how simple the truth can be. Rust never sleeps but maybe if I can find my balance of energy out and rest in and keep a tight rein on my finances I can out work the rust this winter and pimp my horses ride. It shouldn't be too tough because the frame is still in good shape. 

*****

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Punkin Chokes

 Day 11 Take 2 

September 24, 2022 

The blankets were warm and cozy and I could have stayed in bed all day.That should have been my first warning. I should have stayed in bed. 

The sky was gray but dry and I knew that I could multitask if I only had one fire. I decided to start the easy fire. 

First I put some hay into the bottom field for the horse with the intention of keeping them out of the smoke. 

I put the sticks that had burnt last time onto the fire and set up my fire shatter kit like I have been doing up until now. Finding dry enough wood to get the fire started was getting more and more difficult but I wasn't going to let it beat me. Not today. 

Nearly an hour later I resorted to starting a grease fire to get my yard clean up done. It was working but it needed to be thoroughly tended.It was now taking too much time and resources to justify burning. This would be my last one this year. 

Tonka decided that he didn't want to be fed in the bottom field this morning and broke into the garden to eat. Punkin was so upset that she couldn't get into the garden too that sen refused to go to the bottom field to eat. 

I finally took pity on her and brought some hay into her shelter so she could at least snack while she miserably watched her pony get all the good stuff. 

The fire was well on its way to being hot enough to load up and leave for a bit so I could start working on getting the rig set up. 

Punkin came running out of her shelter desperately trying to get something out of her mouth and trying to nibble teeny pieces of gras, which she promptly spat out. 

I watched in horror, terrified she had just eaten a fish hook. How would she have eaten a fish hook? There is no fish hook. That’s just your imagination. 

She sorted herself and went back to eating. 

Roughly 5 minutes later she came out of her shelter and flipped her top lip up at me. The colic face. 

“You’re not colicing”  I said. She flipped up her lip and looked at me desperately for help. Dropping everything I went over to her and took one look at her contracted abdomen. It flinched when I touched it and her lip flipped up again. 

Immediately the colic protocol went into action. I grabbed the happy tummy paste, made the special mash and ran out of the bar with the lunge line in my hand. 

First I pried her mouth open to make sure there wasn’t a fish hook. As I already knew there was no fish hook. My imagination could stop that now. 

She didn’t want the happy tummy paste. Normally she likes it but I made her eat it anyway. This colic seemed worse than the last one. 

Her lip flipped up and this time her shoulder shook, the muscle tissues twitching uncontrollably. Ahhhh seizure!! It wasn’t a seizure. I knew better. Lip flipped up again. 

“Oh my goodness you’re not colicing you’re choking aren’t you!” I said out loud to her as I rubbed her neck. Using everything I know about equine anatomy and the esophagus in general imagined a lump and worked the tissues of her throat to help the process of swallowing. It seemed to be helping. 

Punkin had choked on me once before as a yearling. Her and Tonka were racing to gobble the food and they both choked. Tonka cleared his and Punkin needed the vet. There was no vet today, just me, and we were going to have to get through this together. 

“You and me we're going to move through this together” I told her. “We’re just going to keep moving forward.” 

4 Kilometers and two hours later she nibbled some grass and had the tiniest sip of a puddle. Soon after she was nibbling the rain soak grass which quickly turned into grazing. I gave her the space to eat enough to make her feel better and we took our time. 

With Punkin on the mend and feeling much better I went back into the house I had melted down. I snuggled up on my couch and buried myself under a mountain of blankets where I hid until the world in my head was a little kinder and my body could handle the pressure of movement once again. I had worked so hard all week there was no energy left to handle this emergency but I did now there was nothing left.

******

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The Nights Are Creeping In

 Day 3 Take 2

September 16, 2022 

I made it to my promised workouts. It was close and I nearly didn’t but Punkin Pie needed her workout too and I couldn't let her down. 

The apple crunched between my teeth, and the juices filled my mouth. The sweet and salty creaminess of the peanut butter mixture blended into the sensation of the perfectly crisp and juicy after workout treat. 

This new concoction had taken my apples and peanut butter to a whole new level of amazing. 

I took the usual two big forkfuls of peanut butter used to dress my snappy apples and added a scoop of chocolate protein powder, the added just enough coconut milk to make it creamy. The snappy apples perfected sliced into 8 wedges act as a spoon to scoop the gooey mess into my face. 

Something was off. I was off. There was some sad news about a favorite acquaintance who wasn’t doing well. This saddened me but there was something else off. 

SLEEP I thought. I have been neglecting sleep. If I want to keep moving forward with my dreams I was going to have to set some tough boundaries with myself. These tough boundaries usually mean that I have to push myself a little harder to focus. Focusing is by far the hardest thing that I do in a day but it can be done with the right amount of routine and pressure. 

Pressure is incredibly necessary. It creates an absolute need to focus. The downside though is it also causes more stress. Having embraced my body's natural energy surges and worked with them to achieve my goals has helped tremendously.  

Unfortunately this means that Horse O’clock happens around 7:30 every night. 

Working the horses in the dark has been a bit of a fun adventure. Tonight was Punkin Pies' turn. It was our first night working in the dark and I have a lot of fine tuning to do as far as setting up the ground as an arena. We alternated lunging nice in and out spirals, with stopping to move around the arena and pick up rocks and filling holes in the hill next to the new riding space. 

She was able to keep the same cadence in her trot in a tiny circle as she did the big circle which I thought was truly impressive. But her attitude stank when it came to moving around and picking up rocks. A whole 1.07 km of moving rocks. What a bore. We are now at 34% complete for our Valkyrie challenge. 

The property is 2.5 acres, with pieces of other people's memories left behind to rot into the forest floor next to sinkholes and lost treasure. It has always been my dream to make trials and obstacles much like the ones in the trail horse competitions. I’m hoping that there will be enough stimulation by changing the routes and learning more than just the trails and the obstacles to keep it interesting for them during the dark months.

Combining all types of arena work, trail work and driving we might just be able to keep everyone fit and entertained while we work outside during the dark half of the year. 

*****

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Punkin Works For Her Dinner

 Day 26 

I suppose I had my answer. I thought to myself. Just a few minutes ago I had felt my abdomen starting to swell, then my thighs. Soon there was a horrible feeling of tight crawling up my back. It ran into my shoulders, then my neck. Right after I could feel the all to familiar pressure building up in my head. 

Crap. I thought to myself as I could feel the tissue of lips getting puffy as my chest tightened and breathing became difficult. 

In that moment all I could think about was how grateful I was that the last bit of wheat I will probably ever eat in my life was really good pizza. I ran to the pharmacy for Benadryl and Ibuprofen.  

I have known for years that I was munching wheat on borrowed time.

After work I took a trip to the groceries store and started my routine label check again. It has been so nice not to read the labels meticulously on everything for the past few years, but that is what saved me in the past and wheat shows up in everything. 

If I’m lucky maybe I will lose the 50 pounds of weight I have left out of the 70+ pounds I’ve gained in these wonderful food filled years of being a wheat eater.

The drying she was almost out of horse feed meaning it was time to go get more grass to put in it. I decided to head over to the neighbors field with scythe, rake and 6 nets to fill.

Leaving the now full nets in the field in groups of 2 I took the scythe and rake backup the hill to our house and tacked up Punkin. I set my smartwatch to Valkyrie, we dropped Tonka off in the arena and went to go pick up the nets. 

It was a little tense at first, enough to say I’m grateful that I had the good sense to dedicate our first medal to groundwork. But, as soon as she figured out she could reach behind her to grab her now portable snacks she felt much better. I guess it’s not so bad if the annoying things strapped to your body are edible. 

Finally finished, we got the nets off her body and set them outside the drying tent then we went back to let Tonka out of the arena. 

Tonka met us next to the shelter in the paddock. He had let himself out on account of we might have forgotten him and he didn't want to be left out. Tonka has never really felt that the laws of fencing applied to him. 

I came back inside. Thank goodness it’s Friday night because it was nearly 10:00. Horse o’clock heads taken up the entire evening, the house work time and some of the writing time. 

Having made big plans with myself to start getting the writing room set up, I brought my favorite chair up into my favorite room and parked it right beside the window. As my fingers licked the keyboard I could hear the horses outside making their horse noises. Looking up the walls are bare with nothing but soft light to comfort me as I write late into the night. 

*****

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The Truth About Time

Day 25

Maybe it was the wheat I ate yesterday, or the extreme over use of my badly damaged shoulders, or simply the sleep deprivation. It could have been the way I wore my hair or the way the new to me shirt hung on tight shoulders. 

No matter the cause, my body has once again shut down production. This time on account of a migraine. 

Thanks to a very low dose of medication, the pain of my migraines is no longer as extreme as it once was. There’s still pain but it’s fairly minimal, which has opened a door allowing me to experience all the other symptoms. My body feels tight in the neck and shoulders while the rest is more like jelly. Thoughts are slow. 

It kinda feels like my body is putting its foot down and taking back what I owe it. Tonight I will be catching up on some much needed sleep. 

The horses didn’t get their kilometer but I did do a little impromptu work with them at dinner time. Punkin is notorious for running Tonka off his old man supplements and stealing them for herself. I’ve built all sorts of makeshift ways to keep her out of them but she is persistent and crafty. Eventaully we’ll have a proper barn built but right now we have a few other projects on the go that are a little more urgent. They have a shelter and forest to choose from. They just don’t have their own custom designed bedrooms. It’s in the plan and part of the reason I’ve been sacrificing a little bit of sleep every night. 

Time goes faster than I do. Apparently I can’t go faster and I can’t slow time down. And the longer it takes me to figure out how to manage my personal restrictions the more time it costs me. 

Recently it’s become very clear that I can make money, excuses, routines, habits, and choices, but I can’t make time. I can say I will make time but in all actuality time is there and I can’t make more, it’s all I get no matter how rich or poor I might be. There is no way to buy more time. If I plan carefully and be careful with myself then maybe the barn will be done next year, but tonight I took advantage of a learning opportunity. 

I stood guard while Tonka ate his old man supplements. He was happy and knickered in a very cute and excited little pony knicker. Then he proceeded to eat his kibble. I have never noticed before but he eats one piece at a time and picks out all his favorite ones to eat first. Then starts on his next favorite ones. He’s methodical and extremely focused about organizing his food. 

Punkin came in, ears pinned and tried to find her way around me. She tried the mad face, the cute face, the sulky face and then finally gave up. I’m pleased to report that Punkin that when I left Tonka to obsessively eat his remaining, less favorable pieces, she didn’t try to steal them from him. Maybe I got through to her. Or maybe she doesn’t like the ones he leaves behind either. 

*****

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Nothing Tastes Better

 Day 24 

I couldn’t wait another minute. I had been sitting beside that smell for the past 4 hours. It tormented me, sitting beside me at work all afternoon, lingering beside me, a reminder that tonight I got to have a very special treat. 

Working in health care isn't an easy job. It’s not an all together thankless job either. A lot of the patients express their gratitude and appreciation for the work we do in all sorts of different ways. 

But nothing beats appreciation baked into a fresh loaf of homemade bread. 

“Hey Cyn, are you there?” He said, his tone was somewhat urgent, which normally means that it’s time for me to help solve a problem of some sort. This time was different. This time was extra special. 

“I have a fresh loaf of bread I just pulled out of the oven for you. I’ll be there shortly.” 

He brought in the fresh loaf of bread on a paper plate, still warm from the oven. 

I can’t even begin to describe how amazingly special it made me feel to have had a loaf of bread baked and brought to me at work as thank you. 

I opened the bread. It was soft and white and fluffy. We were about to head outside and move the hot tub into the sunroom but first I had to have at least one slice of bread. I spread the butter on it, not caring about the thickness of the fat smeared onto my special treat. It melted in my mouth and I enjoyed the creaming softness of the texture and the flavor of the yeast and sugar used to feed it. “MMmmmmmm, so good” I said to myself out loud then quickly got changed and went outside to help Brent move the hot tub hopefully for the last time. 

Getting the hot tub into the house was an adventure all on its own. 

Armed with the power of leverage and multiple lengths of boards we got the discarded, once burnt, beautiful hot tub into our sunroom.I decided against adding a workout to the evening routine because I had worked those muscles that need it most with a once in a lifetime fitness challenge.

It was fast approaching horse o’clock and leaving them for 2 days in a row is no longer an option as far as my mental health is concerned. I need their times out playing with me as much as they do. The symbiotic relationship between horse and human and that older than most of us can imagine. 

I did what any sensible horse woman would do and wrapped my blown tendon. I also choose shoes that were more foot friendly and promised my husband I would be good to my feet. 

I watched from my cozy arena as the sun set behind the trees and over the ocean. I left the horses to their own devices for a few minutes to think about what we were trying to do and headed down to the beach across the road from my house.

As I walked onto the trail I could see the warmth of the last of the day's sunshine hitting the east facing side of the trees. I walked the short path onto the beach, glad I had the right camera for the job. 

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