Today was leg day. I love leg day for multiple reasons. A few months ago I could barely walk up my stairs because my fibromyalgia symptoms were so bad. Today I not only climbed the stairs but climbed the stairs backwards.
I raked the first pile of manure up into a scoopable little pile. It was the farthest away from the house, the farthest down the long winding driveway and the closest pile to the gate. The gate separates my fortress of solitude from the outside world and today I wasn’t quite in the right space to be so close to it.
The steel tongs of the manure fork scratched against the ground bringing up the old manure, some grass and a few rocks. I don’t mind rocks in the garden after all that is where minerals come from and I want my soil rich with all good things including minerals.
Picking up the brand new plastic manure fork I scooped the first pile into the tiny bucket. The nice light weight of the new tool was a relief to my hands. For 8 years I have been struggling to keep up with the manure here on Haida Gwaii. First my challenge was the grass. The grass would always clump into the manure making it difficult to scoop with a plastic fork. So I bought a metal one. The next challenge was the wheelbarrow. For 8 years I have been fighting with trying to use a wheelbarrow on a property that really isn’t very wheelbarrow friendly.
The hand injury has made the choice to give up on the wheelbarrow a must. Now instead I carry everything in buckets. The buckets are small and on leg day they are filled with a light enough weight that my arms aren’t being over challenged. The object after all is to strengthen my legs, heart and lungs while getting as much done as possible, without of course staining my hand injury.
I scooped the first pile into buckets. Thoughts of the work week starting tomorrow crept into my head. Before I knew it the stress of the week to come was encasing me in a cement of my own anxiety. This is not the time or the place to worry about work. I thought to myself. I had promised myself years ago that the fitness time and space was about working with and for my mind and body.
Clearing my head of all useless thoughts I focused on my body and what I was feeling in the moment.
The first set of 10 squats completed, I headed up the steep driveway, my lungs burning. It was apparent that I will need to focus on my lungs more during my daily workouts. Up I went taking long deep steps. This is hard I thought.This is supposed to be hard I reminded myself.
I pushed through the hard and focused on enjoying the power in my body. I was getting stronger so much faster now. A function I thought fibromyalgia had stolen from me. Being on top of my supplements everyday was the only way to FM at bay but my ADHD makes that a challenge.
Life is hard. I thought. It is hard and it’s even harder with so many challenges. The purpose of a challenge though is to beat it. Thankfully I love to win.
I train for life in “the gym”. The gym is the term I use for the time, space and energy I dedicate in a day to focus on just that. Training for life. Because there aren’t enough hours in the day to spend an hour training each part of me. My mind, body and farm chores often get creatively blended to one task that benefits many parts of my life.
Half way through the workout it was time to start going up the hill backwards. This was hard. This was really hard. I stopped. I could just quit right here. The sound of my thoughts strong over the gasping of my breaths. This was the first time I attempted the hill backwards and it was harder in so many ways than I had thought it would be.
My legs burned in places I hadn’t expected. My mind protested louder and more than I thought it would too.
Suddenly I got excited. This is what it’s all about. Pushing myself to my limits and knowing exactly how to work with myself inside them. Sweat started to pour down m y face. My heart beat heard in my chest. My lungs and legs pulsed with the power of being pushed. Nothing was unbearable, just really hard.
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