Friday I chose to run and slowly started breaking my body into the idea of learning to run again. The thought of not being able to outrun even the slow dumb zombies in a zombie apocalypse not only entertained me but concerned me as well.
While I don’t suspect that’s a threat I’ll have to face, there are real life threats that could have me appreciating the ability to run. Like chasing a naughty pony through the ditches of Port Clements or outrunning a swarm of malicious blood thirsty noseems.
In case you're unfamiliar with noseems they are the smallest of the pesty flesh eating flie and they hurt the most. They are so small in fact that just one of them is nearly invisible to the naked eye. Here on Haida Gwaii a swarm of them can turn the sky black if the wind stops blowing. Just the thought of being close to one of those swarms makes me sure that my plan to encourage my body to run again is a good one.
Friday was the night before last now. Having stayed up way too late the night before writing it was apparent that I was going to have to make up for lost rest. And so I did.
I spent the day curled up in comfortable clothes and on a whim rebuilt the website that I had accidentally deleted a week or so ago. I even made sure that I had my customary weekend nap and I took it really easy on the stimulants.
It felt good to be inspired and relaxed. It felt good to be into something and hyper fixated without being physically hyper.
I worked all day and into the night on the website. There was suddenly so many solutions to so many thoughts that fluttered around in my brain making it hard to create a plan forward with my vision.
One of the cursed blessings my ADHD blessed me with was the ability to see many futures unfold at once quite quickly. Sometimes I have the rare privilege of just seeing now and soon in one reality but my mind unfolds so many possible realities in my imagination that it’s hard sometimes to keep track of what I really want. Especially when they all look like fun. Then before you know it I want all of them and off I go on an impossible tangent to do all the things.
This was my stuck point with the website and with the business. I want it all and I want it all now. My excitement to create and provide some cool content left me in a world of wondering what direction to go on first.
In the end I decided to let the people decide. Afterall all the paths forward look like they’ll be a lot of fun to create, I’m just glad I won’t be the one to decide where to start.
Most of today was spent finishing the first tier of my diabolical plan to see how the world approaches living a healthy lifestyle. There is so much more than just diet and exercise that need to be considered in health. After all so many people don’t have access to healthy food or time and energy to workout because of financial responsibilities.
Maybe we should take financial health just as seriously as we take physical health. We should talk about the difference between mental, emotional and spiritual health, because those things are not the same and need to be worked differently and honored differently when we work on creating health in our lives. Social and sexual health come naturally to some people but for many of us we live in bubbles of “”EEEEEEWWWWWW People..” So how do we honor and strengthen those parts of us?
Seven pillars to strengthen. Seven parts of the human to honor and work with. Seven colours to make up the rainbow because all the the parts should run alongside each other sharing in the beauty of life.
Health is not black and white. Health is a rainbow.
The passion oozed from me as I saw my idea come to colourful light on the page before me. Recognizing that I was doing work that made my soul happy made it that much better.
Throughout the day I would wander out into the garden and once again let my soul lead the way. The ADHD runs thick through this human because I did not focus on one project or one spot all afternoon and still got a tremendous amount done.
I did not fight with myself. I did not push myself to do what I thought I should be doing. I did not require a good excuse to switch tasks part way through the garden time I just left myself alone and did what I wanted to do. After all, it's a garden. Who cares if it's the garden that ADHD built. It’s getting built and that’s what matters.
It was hard to come in from the garden but it had to happen. Laundry needed doing and I was wearing clothes that needed to be washed.
After 2 years of trying to solidify this routine it finally felt easy. The clothes went into the laundry, and I chose an outfit for tomorrow. Then I transferred the smoothie cups into a freezer bag and prepped the daily protein drinks for tomorrow. Whey protein has changed my life in ways I can’t even begin to describe for fear that no one would believe me if I tried.
I felt grateful to be getting together all the things that make me feel good. After feeling like garbage for so long, to feel good was the most amazing thing in the world. Everything felt easy tonight. Even going to be feels like it might be easy tonight.
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