The Marathon and The Clock

 Day 19, Take 2 

October 2, 2022

Another day of body forced shut down. I tried to take it in stride but it was beautiful outside and it could be the last sunny day I see for years. My poor husband tried his very best to help me wrap my head around the fact that I had been doing so much and needed rest. 

What he didn’t understand though was how horrible it felt to know that I had done this to myself. That I know better, and still I made the decision to add more to my plate even though I was exhausted. This was as horrible as a hangover. I could quit drinking because I hated hangovers and was frustrated by how they prevented me from doing the things that I wanted to do but why can’t I pace myself and wrap my head around the mindset that life is more of a marathon instead of a sprint? 

Having started training once for a marathon I never ran. I knew that I was going to have to start slow and work myself into running. I would run from one telephone pole to the next and then walk the next set. Starting with 3 kilometers of 50/50 walk run I went out nearly every day and worked one it. While I’m sure it took weeks the way I remember it was very soon after I was running 2 telephone poles and walking one. Then 3 to 1 and the distance started getting longer too. It was only a few months I believe before I was  able to run 10 kilometers without stopping for a break to walk. 

I worked for that. I earned the ability to do that by starting slow and being gentle on myself. This is the only time in my life that I can remember starting something slowly and being gentle on myself as I slowly stretched my ability. 

Time however is not on my side these days. The days I had in time of my life where I taught myself to run I didn’t work full time. I looked after the kids and worked part time massaging horses and grooming dogs. Many of the days I was left to my own devices and had the time to run, and look after myself. 

Work these days takes 12 hours or more of my day away from me. Leaving me with 4 hours if I want 8 hours of sleep. That’s barely enough time to do chores, cook, eat dinner and shower. Let alone train a young horse, keep an old pony going, grow a garden, write, and stay fit. 

Time management is something I often think I have a handle on but from the feedback I have received at work I’m beginning to think that I have tricked myself into this belief. Time management might just be the first piece of the puzzle I need to snap into my reality if I’m going to get to enjoy my horses before they get too old, and live off my land before I retire and sell it because I got too old. 

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