Too Fat For Clothes

 Day 29

Socked in they call it. I supposed it makes sense. The clouds hug the landscape tightly, much in the way that socks hug feet. 

I thought for a minute if my toes felt gloomy in black socks and if they would feel happier in more colorful foot attire. I wonder if they made reinforced socks in rainbow sparkle. That is always the worst part about wearing cute socks, they seem to acquire holes way too quickly. 

The rain was sparse for the first part of the day, but as the clouds sunk the rain heavied. The ground beneath my feet is starting squish once again. I wonder how long it will rain for this time. 

I made it out to feed while the rain was soft. There was a fawn under the trees near the site of the future barn watching to see what goodies I might be bringing for her to clean up later. I know the deer help the horses eat. She watched with no fear of me as I brought the horses their dinner and set out the hay. 

Then made my way over to the quail and collected all the tiny spotted eggs. My hands full of precious little eggs and a container full of feed under my arm I made my way down the stairs. 

Suddenly the earth beneath me disappeared and my feet went straight up in the air. I threw the quail eggs and tried to catch myself as all 220 pounds of me came crashing down on the hard edges of the wooden stairs. 

The bottom of my boots have worn down so much there is hole nearly all the way through at the ball of the foot. I’ve been daydreaming about my next pair of boots. The ones I bought last time I was off island crushed my feet, leaving me sore for days after wearing them. I’ve been fantasizing about rubber boots that lace up. I think I saw some once. Maybe they were orange, or were they blue? 

There’s a little boot store in Vernon BC, the only place I have ever bought boots that haven’t let me down. My -100 winter boots with the built in snow pants are still my favorites, although a waste here on Haida Gwaii. I still wear them on the days I just need to feel cozy. I can hardly wait to feel cozy in winter footwear that’s more suited for our wet climate. The right gear is such a big part of having a comfortable winter. I’ve been procrastinating about setting myself up with the right gear for me for the past 7 years. Partly because I got so fat and didn’t want to buy clothes. Partly because I dislike most of the options on the market and want to make my own. 

For most of my life dreams of the clothes I want to make for myself have filled at least half my fantasy time. Being fat has stopped me from making those fantasies a reality. Then I had a realization. If I can sew it to fit me, it won’t be that hard to bring it in when my body once again changes with the seasons of life. 

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